Something dark was infiltrated into my head
A letter from Anonymous 30/06-08
Hereby I want to clarify that I experienced everything in the following text.
It was my own experience and I just want to communicate this to others
as it is my right.
I joined several times a deeksha group in the last two years.
The first deekshas I got were powerful but then after a few weeks
I noticed that this energy is working on it's own and finally only for it's own good.
You get deeksha by a deeksha giver who puts the hands on your head. then the giver becomes a channel through which an energy flows in your crown chakra. I always
felt resistence inside of me when the deeksha givers did this. The Givers told me that this is just normal as it is a fight of my mind against the energy which wants to calm my mind in a harmonic way.
I think that this energy tried to put me away of what I really was and what I still am.
I often felt disconnected to myself, I felt the energy was claiming what would have been best for me. I really had often the feeling that something dark was infiltrated into my head and I often felt how this energy tried on it's own to get inside of me. In my opinion there seems to be a crossover to invisible worlds which tried to influence me.
Per deeksha I became more and more aggressive and focused on my own whereas the Givers claim the opposite. I also became depressive and addicted to deeksha, I needed this energy as it was working inside of me. I felt obligated to deeksha and to what Bhagavan has been said. There was something put inside of me with this energy whereas I think that this energy on it's own is a dark energy.
I thought this is a inner process as other deeksha people told me. So I believed that because how should I as a normal person know how deeskha works and what it really is. That was the feeling the givers gave me.
Every critic about deeksha was explained as a inner process of my mind and soul.
How want other people know what is best for me? They treat me in relation to their opinion what would be best for me. They smiled to the things I was feeling.
I think it is best that I can decide what is best for me. Everyone developes in an unique way and I think I needed deeskha as a confrontation to recognize that.
It was not easy but now I have a more clear view.
I also tried to join one of the courses in india which make deeksha givers out of you.
I was preparing my journey with joy and hope.
The deeksha givers say the closer and closer the date of the course would come the more
everyone should feel the preparation of the deeksha energy in oneself.
What I felt was that a few days before the journey should began I became more and more scared of the deeskha energy and of becoming a deeksha giver. The fear shivered through my body and I became aware of what is fact for me and what not. I became nauseous when I imagined to get deeksha.
At one special day shortly before I should get into the plane I felt how my energy was pulled out of me. I felt out of order and I felt that the deeksha energy was working in me. This happened in a moment when I was spending time with information about the OM in the www intensely. I was afraid but I could not stop it, it stopped after a few hours. It was as though my life energy was beamed to another place. I immediately wrote to a deeksha giver about this. The answer was that this is very good because unnecessary energy is pulled out of me and useful energy pushed in me. How do they want to know that? Even if they claim they would have a good intention they cannot tell me what I felt. By the way there was no energy which came back to me, useful energy as considered.
I had a inner feeling, a strong feeling which came out of myself, told me it would be best not to join the course. I was suprised because I originally still really tried to convince me getting to that place in India but there was this what people call inner voice which is a feeling for me. It came out of myself and I felt not to get there for my own good.
That was the moment when I became aware that I have to live my life the way I feel.
I have to find out what is good for myself and not let others decide for me. But maybe others have the feeling that this is right for them, then they do it.
I just live my life without spiritual groups and so on any more because I can now look into my eyes and consider what I really want for myself.
So Deeskha even helped me - I don't want to express that the energy helped me to see this.
It was more the conflict which was created through this energy that I became aware of what is right and wrong for me in spiritual things, so I don't need a guru or someone else for spiritual things any more. That doesn't mean that I approve of Deeksha.
People attacked me verbally that I would be a chicken and considered that I could be an aspirant of the Antichrist. Thanks!
For me the experience with deeskha was scary, it is hard to understand. I mean who wants to believe this creepy stuff?
I know deeksha isn't good for me.
I had my experiences and thus I know what I know.
I can only repeat and repeat to all who want to distort my view. This was my real experience and nobody can say that I was mistaken for myself.